Knock it off

Listen, I know a LOT of people do it, but if I’m being totally honest, I can’t handle it. So, I’d like to go on record, in writing, as saying that this new word-shortening phenomenon, is far from acceptable. I don’t know how or where it started, but it’s an epidemic. A plague. In case you’re confused—I’m talking about speech used by 7th graders, Disney tween characters, and now apparently everyone who speaks English:

Totally=totes
Obviously=obvi
Naturally=natch
Perfect=perf
Precious=presh

You get it. It’s recently reached a new level, in which shortened words are being used in conjunction, to make one super-idiotic combo. “Totes perf,” for example. If anyone figures out a way to put a stop to this, I’ll help. Let me know what you need me to do.