And I thought so highly of the FOX network...

I know everyone’s seen this, but I just saw it this morning on the Today Show for the first time because I don’t care about the NFL and I was watching a girly fashion documentary and braiding Lacee's hair while we had a pillow fight and painted eatch other's nails when this aired.

Listen, I wouldn’t normally stick up for Jessica Simpson. Her “singing” is just ridiculous facial expressions and wild gesturing set to really loud whispering and breathy gasps, and she annoys me with her fake Texas accent, but if a major TV network made a cartoon entirely about me being fat and getting dumped, and then aired it during an enormously popular sporting event for the whole nation to collectively laugh at my deepest insecurities, I’d throw myself off a bridge. Actually, I used to be a swimmer, so unless I died on impact, that wouldn’t make much sense. Do you die on impact or do you just drown after you go in? This isn’t about me, maybe Jessica’s not a great swimmer, I don’t know.

The point is that FOX is run by a bunch of idiots who all somehow thought this was a good idea and who all make a lot more money than I do, and I don’t think that’s fair.

Even more alarming than any of that, is that someone was paid money to write this:

"Man, I still can't believe Tony dated Jessica Simpson, even after she blew up bigger than Flozell Adams!"

"Unlike Tony, at least Jessica comes up big when it counts!"

"Say Tony, is Jessica around? We could use a defensive tackle!"


You FOX guys and your jokes! What’s that, a pie? Are you going to throw that in his…OH MY GOD! He’s got pie all over his face! Let me catch my breath, this comedy is blowing my mind! You flew in from L.A. and your arms are tired? OH, I get it! You flew! Stop it, guys, it’s too much!