GG 9.14.09: At least Tyra wasn't in it

Summer's over for the little monsters. And it's over for us, too! It's so real. The Humphrey clan and Eric hung poolside in the Hamptons all summer and somehow managed to not get the slightest bit of a tan, and Dan apparently spent every day in the gym instead of getting a haircut.
Serena looked for her dad and Tara Reid-ed around the world (AH, ew, i just involuntarily cringed when I typed her name) and Nate ditched his Zac Efron hair, which was clearly the wrong decision. He looks like a 70 year old woman who uses a shower cap to cover her hair in rain. If you wrap it in a hand towel to sleep, you only have to go to the beauty shop once a week! Just use a pick to fluff it up. Oh, and Chuck and Blair role played their way into not breaking up yet.


"No more beaches, and no more bonfires, and no more stalking the Barefoot Contessa through 1770 house"
That sounds boring, but I love her. She's so wonderfully pretentious and she's always making cocktails and arranging hydrangeas.


Why is Dan trying to make Rufus feel guilty? Everyone loves money, Dan, get off his back.
"Will it taste as good coming out of your Welcome Back, Kotter mug?"
And he would have a Welcome Back, Kotter mug. It sounds like something Urban Outfitters would sell. How kitschy.


"Isn't she taking a vow of silence for a month at the ashram?"
Uh, WHAT? That's Serena's alibi? Convincing.

"That Eat, Pray, Love thing of hers is great and all, i just highly doubt she can keep her mouth shut for a whole month"
First of all, can everyone cut it out with Eat, Pray, Love already? Can anyone go on vacation without referencing that book anymore? And is that supposed to be an insult? Who the hell can not talk for a month? Yeah, Dan, you're really the strong silent type.

Usually Blair wins for facial expressions, but Nate's fantastically satirical golden boy smile when the helicopter door opens FTW!
If they were going to give someone from Privileged a job when they cancelled it, it should have been one of the daughters. Joanna Garcia looks like a bunny. It sounds like it would be a good thing, because bunnies are cute, but that's not how I meant it.



There was a lot of information in this little argument.
"That right wing nut job called William Vanderbilt a deviant for lobbying against DOMA." (Nice gay rights plug, writers)
"Maybe that's because William Vanderbilt called Jed Buckley a coke head and a cheater."
"What are you saying it isn't cheating if you get your Congressional aide pregnant?"

Sounds about right.

"You pulled my hair during Clinton's inaugural ball."
"Your redneck cousins tried to waterboard me at the Easter egg hunt on the White House lawn."
HAA, the writers are really going for it.

Ooh, their families are political enemies. It's just like Romeo and Juliet. I'm already bored.


Am I supposed to know who this girl who's hitting on Chuck is? Because I don't.
"Shame on your Ashley Henshaw, you may have an Abercrombie campaign and the security code to Clooney's castle in Lake Como..." Is this real, is she a real person?
"Take your American Girl hair and your poreless skin and get out!"
Abercrombie model? Do kids still wear Abercrombie? Did I just age myself out of being allowed to watch this show?


WOW, Dan found out she was lying and he's not freaking out at all? Did Rufus get him stoned on the way back to the city?

Ah, there she is. My life has meaning again.


OH here we go with this half brother nonsense. If I have to be subjected to this, could they have cast someone who can speak convincingly? I could play Scott better than this kid. Is he someone's nephew or something?

Lily ordered breakfast for them from out of town? How thoughtful and selfless. Sounds just like her.
"Glad i have the number for City Harvest." That reminds me to sign up to volunteer. That'll never happen, but I like to pretend like it might.
"A little much? It makes the Four Seasons look like...one...season."
I missed you, Dan.


"The benefits of Bikram? 10 easy steps to colon cleanse?"
"Turns out Goop is good for something"
Oh nooooooooo, plug for Goop? Was that a plug or a slam?



"Sleeping with the enemy is hot. Why do you think i had the whole Ivanka thing?"

"I know what you did this summer. And who. Cristiano Ronaldo. I hope you got your shots before you traveled."
Cristiano Ronaldo? That's who she's coyly smiling about? Gross. He wears more jewelry than I do, and his facial expressions look like he's posing for the cover of a porn DVD.


Oh, Vanessa, quit whining about Dan having money. (I would do the same thing, but I'm petty and jealous and she should be above that.) He's got like 15 hundreds in his new wallet, just stop crying and see if he wants to go shopping.

"Do you know how hard it is to break one of those things? I don't even know why they make them."
They also make $1,000 bills. A $1,000 bill used to be worth $2,000. I only remember that because my friend's dad once told me that and we made jokes about paying for your $1,000 bill with your 2 other $1,000 bills. It was funny at the time.

"We can do Brooklyn things, like go to the dumpling truck and play signed or unsigned in the promenade."
I haven't been to the promenade all summer. Dan and I have so much in common.

OH, he's taking the limo. The horror.

Blair being needy and desperate and Chuck being sweet, is all really beginning to freak me out.


OMG, this guy is TERRIBLE. I can't take this, I'm going to have to turn the closed caption on whenever he's in a scene from now on.







"Needs a sandwich.
Adam's apple!
Catalog!
None of these girls are even worth humiliating, looking in the mirror will do that for them."










"It looks...smaller" The spacious million dollar loft looks so much smaller. Heartbreaking.

"I'd really like to not use my imagination when it comes to these pictures"
"You don't have to look close enough."
Don't say that to your dad about your ex-girlfriend.

Serena's worried what Carter might do? Really?

I didn't know what they were going to do with the second line of the song with the Miike Snow Plastic Jungle intro to the polo match, but they changed it. You can't say the F word on the CW.








Aw, Jenny's so excited about having her very own name card.












Alexandra Richards? I guess Theodora was busy.

How COULD he tell it was Dan? It's his back. And I know Vanessa is supposed to be dirty Brooklyn and everything, but did they have to give her dreads? At the polo match?

Oh look they put them in the same shirt, so we'd know they're supposed to look alike. We get it, Wardrobe, they're related.

AHhahahaha, she's taking off on one of the horses? She can't be tamed.

This Buckley storyline is boring me already. Her family's not talking to her because she went to Europe and missed a wedding? I missed my cousins wedding a few years ago and everyone still talks to me.

Ok, so her dad blew her off. I'm bored with that, too. And Carter's a good guy now? I kind of believe him. I'm so naive.




"I don't care if you're rich, which you aren't, by the way."

Oh gross, she kissed him. At least it stops him from trying to read his lines.

Oh, she WANTS to be in the tabloids. Oh, the twist. No one saw that coming.