SPArty!

I guess it’s possible that someone who works in the…uh…industry (?) might actually read this blog and take offense, so I apologize now if that should happen. Lots of people do it, so apparently there’s someone somewhere making a ton of money and I’m sure that anti-wrinkle cream is amazing, but I can’t TAKE it anymore. If you sell Arbonne or Mary Kay or BeautiControl (look how it’s spelled wrong, how cute) or whatever the hell other pyramid scheme of lip gloss exists so that you can guilt your family and friends into buying $50 thigh exfoliator, I don’t want to buy it or sell it or smell it or lick it or put it in my eye. I don’t want to be a “consultant” and I don’t want to have a “spa party” with “my girls” to drink cosmos and put on hand cream. I just want to buy makeup from Sephora and lotion from the drug store, like a normal person. Please.

I’ve recently been privy to the happenings at one of these companies from an anonymous source who’s freelancing at one of their HQs and oh my God, it’s even better than I ever could have imagined. I don’t want to give away too much, but company-wide conventions include a lot of “empowerment”, making wishes on heart-shaped stones, and Whitney Houston’s “The Greatest Love of All.” I swear on my heart-shaped stone, I did not make that up.

I also very much enjoyed the dress code for an upcoming company outing. Please note that shorts are allowed, but there’s a length restriction for Capri pants. Wait, what? Exactly.

Dressy Walking Shorts (Men & Women) – They should be no more than two inches above the knee
Capri’s (Women) – They should fall below the knee to mid calf
Shirts (Men and Women) – Please no T-Shirts or sleeveless shirts
Shoes (Men and Women) – Comfortable but please no open toed shoes

As always, all clothing should be in good condition, pressed, and not faded.

Is that a wrinkle in your khakis? GET THE HELL OUT OF THE EMPOWERMENT CIRCLE.